Well I know it has been a while since my last post, and there has been so much going on around here. I am finding it difficult to put into words what we are dealing with as a family, and individuals. As a "writer" and I use that term VERY loosely, I am struggling with knowing what to share, and what not to. My goal is first to honor and glorify God by what I share/write, and also to be honest and open enough to help others going through similar things, but that is where my struggles reside...right now things are SO raw, and fresh, I need to be sure that I am guarding the integrity of my faith, and my family. There are so many things I would like to share right now, valid things, things that could be beneficial to others..but these truths, would be told with my feelings and emotions attached, and could be twisted and turned, and that would be detrimental to this entire project.
"Writing" is my therapy...I wear my heart on my sleeve, and tend to be an open book. I am an honest person, to a fault at times. So please bear with me. I know there are many that look forward to my posts, and have shared with me how inspirational and helpful they are to them, but I have a handful of people that will pounce at the chance to use my words against me, and create havoc in my life, and I need to be sure I am emotionally strong enough to handle that.
I have so much to share about the progress on the house, and life with the children! Life happens, and I would love to have a pause button to hit when I have a hankerin' to write, but alas, there is no such thing! I promise that this blog is NEVER far from my thoughts, and I have been praying for God to lead my thoughts and words, and feel that the time will be here soon for me to share again.
Blessings to you all! May God's peace fill your hearts, and His arms wrap around you and give you comfort.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
In The Trenches (Brief insights into our madness)
Recently I have sought comfort and understanding from a support group online. The ladies on there support, encourage, and pray for each other. We share stories, and techniques, we "cry on each others shoulders", and just genuinely care for each other. It is so important for families that are "living in the trenches" to have support.
With that in mind, in an attempt to help more people understand... I will share these....
I would like to invite all that are interested, to visit www.radkid.org for more information. My hope is that those who had/have no idea what we deal with, will take time to educate themselves on something outside their own world, because this knowledge/awareness can lead to empathy, and compassion instead of judgement. And for those who are dealing with the same/similar things, that they will know that they are not alone, and that this can be used as a tool and as encouragement.
Love one another........its that simple.
With that in mind, in an attempt to help more people understand... I will share these....
Monday, February 27, 2012
Summer...(Many Hands Make Light(er) Work)
After a good night's rest in our own beds, we were all ready to get busy on the next phase of things! The next phase was to begin pouring the basement floor! Hubby and I felt confident in our experience (mostly hubby's as he had once upon a time worked for a concrete company), and decided that we could save some money and do the floors with out the cost of the professionals. Due to the size of the project, the wet weather we had had and were expecting, and the amount of time it takes, we did the job in two pours. When the time finally came for the concrete to be pumped in, the work was done by hubby and our three boys. It was quite the sight. I was one proud mama, and wife!
Here the boys are just taking a break watching dad trowel the floor.
Our oldest son is working the bow float.
Here the boys are just taking a break watching dad trowel the floor.
All my guys hard at work!
Our oldest son is working the bow float.
At one point, even our oldest daughter was able to get in on the action as dad taught her how to use the edging tool.
For our youngest daughter, when it came to the concrete, there wasn't a whole lot of work she was able to do. But she was right there, offering anyone and everyone a cold bottle of water or a snack. She was also a huge help with meals, dishes, and keeping the dog and kitties busy and out of the way. It was amazing to watch the whole family working so hard! Many hands make light(er) work! That is one of the main lessons in life... work together, help others, and be an encouragement! What a blessing it was for all of us to come together and get the job done!
Each of the guys that came from the concrete company were so patient with us, and helped us out so much. They could see that my hubby was working as hard as three men, and our boys were doing their very best. But in reality, for them, the pump job took longer than it normally would have. And their patience and help were such a blessing to us. The man that came on the second day was so impressed with our boys, and how hard they were working with their dad. He took his time cleaning out the chutes and spraying off his truck and tools at the end of the day, and he spent time just visiting, and sipping on some ice water.
My hubby tipped him a few dollars, it really wasn't much in the world of tips, but it was all the cash we had at the time..we wanted him to know how much we appreciated him going out of his way to help. The guy, with money in hand, then asked us a question..."this money is mine, so I can do with it what I want?". And we of course replied with smiles and "yes". He smiled back at us as he handed the money back and told us that it would please him to know that we would take our family out for some icecream as a reward for all the hard work that was done that day. Again, what a blessing. The kids were thrilled, and hubby and I sat back and smiled a thankful smile.
The whole way along this journey we have encountered numerous people and moments that have touched our hearts. I can't say it enough...we are so blessed.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Summer...(its not a house of cards)
With the new foundation in place, and the green approval sticker in plain sight, we were filled with anticipation. We couldn't wait for the house to be set back down!!! Our minds hardly dare think about what condition the inside of the house was. When you take a 100+ year old house, and lift it off a crumbling, unlevel foundation, and place it onto a level surface, there is a chance that there will be some issues. We found ourselves almost holding our breath until we could go inside and check things out. Hubby and I once discussed that we feared that the house might just collapse like a house of cards when it was set back down...thankfully that didn't happen.
The day came when it was time to set the house down. The anticipation was killing us!! The process went quite quick. The workers came and began to backfill the foundation, moving the dirt back into place.
Once they were finished doing the rough backfill, they began lowering the house. Again, it was a slow, and precise process, much like raising it. It went up, and then down, and then back up, each time, a shim was put beneath the supports. Sometimes the shim was as small as a quarter of an inch, then supports were removed, and it was lowered a bit more. The entire process took a couple of hours. I can remember when the workers were finished, hubby and I were so nervous to enter the house...we even asked the workers for permission..as if we really needed their say so!
Before this dramatic change, our home was level with the ground, so we had no step into the back of the house. Now, there was a HUGE step! The threshold was almost at chest height on me. So we began stacking landscape bricks to fashion some makeshift steps. My hubby was the first one to step up into the house, then it was my turn. We were both so excited. We made the kids stay out until we could take a look around and make sure everything was stable. The first thing we noticed was that the back door no longer latched, everything was tweaked. Then as we enter into the house we notice the mud/entry room floor is sunk down about an inch (or the baseboards went up an inch). There were a few cracks in the plaster also, and the ceiling seemed a bit off in the corners.
Once we walked into the kitchen things there seemed good. And as we walked through the rest of the house, things seemed to be ok. We began walking around, making sure doors closed, and windows could open. There were some issues with both of those, we had a few doors that wouldn't latch...they didn't even line up anymore, and we also had one casement window in the kitchen that wouldn't open. All of the other windows worked just fine. The more we checked things out, the more we noticed. Our floors felt "different"...we couldn't quite put our finger on how, but they just felt "different". There was a large sag in the living room floor, where there once was a support (a stack of field stone) and now there is nothing supporting it. Even the kids rooms upstairs seemed a bit off. The carpet was bumped up in the boys' room, and there was a dip in the floor at the top of the stairs. We couldn't quite figure out how that all happened or what would have caused it, but we just were relieved that our house was still standing in one piece.
The kids were calling to us from the back door, asking if it was safe for them to come in..they were chomping at the bit. Hubby and I shared a quiet moment and a tender embrace; we were back in the house! Finally it was time for the kids to come in. They were instructed to stay away from the questionable spot in the living room, but all of them were happy to comply as long as they could be in the house with us. It was a very emotional time. Even though there was still no running water, and no electricity we all just sat there enjoying the moment.
We had listened to the weather report on the radio earlier in the day and it was supposed to storm that night. Hubby and I looked at each other and went to the camper and grabbed our bedding. I couldn't bear the thought of another stormy sleepless night. Don't get me wrong, we were so blessed to have the camper, but we had some wicked storms, and I felt like I was in a tin can during those lightning shows. As soon as the kids saw what we were doing, they quickly grabbed their bedding also! Within a matter of minutes, we were all back in the house. Each one of us enjoyed that first night back in the house, back in our own beds, as we knew, there was still a lot of work to be done.
This is a view of the underside of the house.
Once they were finished doing the rough backfill, they began lowering the house. Again, it was a slow, and precise process, much like raising it. It went up, and then down, and then back up, each time, a shim was put beneath the supports. Sometimes the shim was as small as a quarter of an inch, then supports were removed, and it was lowered a bit more. The entire process took a couple of hours. I can remember when the workers were finished, hubby and I were so nervous to enter the house...we even asked the workers for permission..as if we really needed their say so!
Before this dramatic change, our home was level with the ground, so we had no step into the back of the house. Now, there was a HUGE step! The threshold was almost at chest height on me. So we began stacking landscape bricks to fashion some makeshift steps. My hubby was the first one to step up into the house, then it was my turn. We were both so excited. We made the kids stay out until we could take a look around and make sure everything was stable. The first thing we noticed was that the back door no longer latched, everything was tweaked. Then as we enter into the house we notice the mud/entry room floor is sunk down about an inch (or the baseboards went up an inch). There were a few cracks in the plaster also, and the ceiling seemed a bit off in the corners.
Once we walked into the kitchen things there seemed good. And as we walked through the rest of the house, things seemed to be ok. We began walking around, making sure doors closed, and windows could open. There were some issues with both of those, we had a few doors that wouldn't latch...they didn't even line up anymore, and we also had one casement window in the kitchen that wouldn't open. All of the other windows worked just fine. The more we checked things out, the more we noticed. Our floors felt "different"...we couldn't quite put our finger on how, but they just felt "different". There was a large sag in the living room floor, where there once was a support (a stack of field stone) and now there is nothing supporting it. Even the kids rooms upstairs seemed a bit off. The carpet was bumped up in the boys' room, and there was a dip in the floor at the top of the stairs. We couldn't quite figure out how that all happened or what would have caused it, but we just were relieved that our house was still standing in one piece.
The kids were calling to us from the back door, asking if it was safe for them to come in..they were chomping at the bit. Hubby and I shared a quiet moment and a tender embrace; we were back in the house! Finally it was time for the kids to come in. They were instructed to stay away from the questionable spot in the living room, but all of them were happy to comply as long as they could be in the house with us. It was a very emotional time. Even though there was still no running water, and no electricity we all just sat there enjoying the moment.
We had listened to the weather report on the radio earlier in the day and it was supposed to storm that night. Hubby and I looked at each other and went to the camper and grabbed our bedding. I couldn't bear the thought of another stormy sleepless night. Don't get me wrong, we were so blessed to have the camper, but we had some wicked storms, and I felt like I was in a tin can during those lightning shows. As soon as the kids saw what we were doing, they quickly grabbed their bedding also! Within a matter of minutes, we were all back in the house. Each one of us enjoyed that first night back in the house, back in our own beds, as we knew, there was still a lot of work to be done.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
In the Trenches...(chapter 2)
Life in the trenches is far from easy. Seldom is there a day in our household without some sort of drama. We have adjusted fairly well to the constant defiance, and tension. As our children get older, we have witnessed many changes. The tantrums and outbursts happen less frequently, as do the meltdowns. For this I am so very thankful. What used to be a daily (sometimes hourly) battle, has now become a monthly or bi-monthly battle, with smaller tantrums and fits in between.
Recently (over the past several months), we have been experiencing a more intense battle. The fits of attitude and defiance have grown unbearable, and turn into fits of rage and sometimes violence. Our son can not control his anger, and often justifies his defiant behavior by blaming others. I have found myself standing between a raging teenager and an angry husband/father way too many times. It is amazing the emotions that roar when pushed to the extremes. The relentless tension and emotional exhaustion drags a person to the very depths of hell, where you truly are on you knees begging for mercy.
The strain that raising RAD kids puts on families is unlike any other stress. It destroys marriages, and leaves a path of destruction in each life that has been touched by it. We desperately cling to our faith. We believe that GOD has a plan for our lives and for our children. We constantly remind ourselves that THIS was not our plan, it was GOD's.
There needs to be more help available to families that deal with RAD kids. We have been struggling with people not understanding what we deal with for almost 5 years now. There have been many times where one of us (my husband or I) will throw our hands up in the air in defeat, and want to just give up, and be done. It is a horrible, gut wrenching, heart shattering feeling to know that you could ever feel like giving up on someone that you love. But to just want so desperately for the hurt to stop, for the anger to go away, for the storms to calm. The battles that we endure bring up that fight or flight reaction, it rocks you to the very core. When you are just simply exhausted, the only reaction left is purely primal and raw.
I have talked with many families with RAD kids that deal with very similar things. They too feel alone in their struggles, and ashamed of what they deal with. Unless you have experienced this, it is so hard to understand. Families like ours need the love and support of many....not the ridicule and judgment.
I have found myself in a very heart breaking situation. My husband and I are struggling to stay focused on GOD's plan. The attacks that we have endured recently have been so fierce that we can't hardly catch our breath before we are under attack again. I am sharing this with you because I need something good to come out of this. I need GOD to be glorified in this somehow. Whatever storm we are in, I will seek HIM, and give HIM praise. My husband left this morning for work angry and hurt. There was yet another big blowout, and he just can't catch his breath. He desperately needs to be filled up. He left because he couldn't bear to be in the same house as our son. I know we are not alone in our struggles. There are hundreds of families that have faced this same situation.
One could imagine what this must do to the other children in the house also. What a burden to carry. It is hard to be a mom when you are trying to defuse a tense situation, and nurture and comfort your other children at the same time. We love all of our children so much, and most times are able to take things in stride. But as time goes on, and the battles intensify, we need to find more strength, we need to rely on others to fill us up. That is a really hard thing to do, since most of the people we know have no clue what we deal with. For example we have sat in the same church for over a year now, and I don't believe that any of them understand or have any clue what we deal with. It is hard to open this part of our lives up to people. It makes us feel very vulnerable, and because our reality is so extreme, we fear people just won't believe it.
As I sit here typing, I can almost guarantee that our son is at school going about his day as if nothing happened at all. As my husband and I in our perspective places, sit in agony, our son is putting on his charm, and convincing the people around him that he is a delight. It is so frustrating. The other day I had a mom from school come up to me and tell me that her child had asked her what I was like, because she thought I might be mean. I was so crushed. I know that there have definitely been days when I don't wear a smile, and that other kids know when my child/children are grounded or have been in trouble. But for someone to think I am a mean person, just simply crushed me. People don't see what we deal with, they don't see the torment that goes on at times, just as they can't see my pain from fibromyalgia, or our sleepless nights...they only pass judgement on a brief moment, a small glimpse of our life. I wish that they could see the giggles, and the family game nights, and the sweet moments when my husband and I are slow dancing in our kitchen, and when the girls run in to join us, or the crazy times when I just can't seem to get a tune out of my head, and we all burst into song, everyone joining in. But unfortunately, all too often, we are so exhausted emotionally, all anyone gets to see is that moment when we are holding our breath waiting to see if our child got in trouble at school that day, or if the attitude is going to continue, or maybe just maybe there was a change of heart.
Life is hard. Love is hard. Here we are the day after Valentine's Day, and I am at war with love. I am fighting, desperately clinging to it, waiting for it to prevail. Love is a choice...did you know that? It isn't something that someone can do for you to feel it...because things fade, gifts go away, flowers die, but if you make a choice, that can last and stand the tests of time. I choose to love, I choose to hang on during the bad times. I don't know what this day will bring, or how things are going to unfold. I know that I am going to continue to lift my husband in prayer, pray for my children, and work at following GOD's plan for our lives.
Recently (over the past several months), we have been experiencing a more intense battle. The fits of attitude and defiance have grown unbearable, and turn into fits of rage and sometimes violence. Our son can not control his anger, and often justifies his defiant behavior by blaming others. I have found myself standing between a raging teenager and an angry husband/father way too many times. It is amazing the emotions that roar when pushed to the extremes. The relentless tension and emotional exhaustion drags a person to the very depths of hell, where you truly are on you knees begging for mercy.
The strain that raising RAD kids puts on families is unlike any other stress. It destroys marriages, and leaves a path of destruction in each life that has been touched by it. We desperately cling to our faith. We believe that GOD has a plan for our lives and for our children. We constantly remind ourselves that THIS was not our plan, it was GOD's.
There needs to be more help available to families that deal with RAD kids. We have been struggling with people not understanding what we deal with for almost 5 years now. There have been many times where one of us (my husband or I) will throw our hands up in the air in defeat, and want to just give up, and be done. It is a horrible, gut wrenching, heart shattering feeling to know that you could ever feel like giving up on someone that you love. But to just want so desperately for the hurt to stop, for the anger to go away, for the storms to calm. The battles that we endure bring up that fight or flight reaction, it rocks you to the very core. When you are just simply exhausted, the only reaction left is purely primal and raw.
I have talked with many families with RAD kids that deal with very similar things. They too feel alone in their struggles, and ashamed of what they deal with. Unless you have experienced this, it is so hard to understand. Families like ours need the love and support of many....not the ridicule and judgment.
I have found myself in a very heart breaking situation. My husband and I are struggling to stay focused on GOD's plan. The attacks that we have endured recently have been so fierce that we can't hardly catch our breath before we are under attack again. I am sharing this with you because I need something good to come out of this. I need GOD to be glorified in this somehow. Whatever storm we are in, I will seek HIM, and give HIM praise. My husband left this morning for work angry and hurt. There was yet another big blowout, and he just can't catch his breath. He desperately needs to be filled up. He left because he couldn't bear to be in the same house as our son. I know we are not alone in our struggles. There are hundreds of families that have faced this same situation.
One could imagine what this must do to the other children in the house also. What a burden to carry. It is hard to be a mom when you are trying to defuse a tense situation, and nurture and comfort your other children at the same time. We love all of our children so much, and most times are able to take things in stride. But as time goes on, and the battles intensify, we need to find more strength, we need to rely on others to fill us up. That is a really hard thing to do, since most of the people we know have no clue what we deal with. For example we have sat in the same church for over a year now, and I don't believe that any of them understand or have any clue what we deal with. It is hard to open this part of our lives up to people. It makes us feel very vulnerable, and because our reality is so extreme, we fear people just won't believe it.
As I sit here typing, I can almost guarantee that our son is at school going about his day as if nothing happened at all. As my husband and I in our perspective places, sit in agony, our son is putting on his charm, and convincing the people around him that he is a delight. It is so frustrating. The other day I had a mom from school come up to me and tell me that her child had asked her what I was like, because she thought I might be mean. I was so crushed. I know that there have definitely been days when I don't wear a smile, and that other kids know when my child/children are grounded or have been in trouble. But for someone to think I am a mean person, just simply crushed me. People don't see what we deal with, they don't see the torment that goes on at times, just as they can't see my pain from fibromyalgia, or our sleepless nights...they only pass judgement on a brief moment, a small glimpse of our life. I wish that they could see the giggles, and the family game nights, and the sweet moments when my husband and I are slow dancing in our kitchen, and when the girls run in to join us, or the crazy times when I just can't seem to get a tune out of my head, and we all burst into song, everyone joining in. But unfortunately, all too often, we are so exhausted emotionally, all anyone gets to see is that moment when we are holding our breath waiting to see if our child got in trouble at school that day, or if the attitude is going to continue, or maybe just maybe there was a change of heart.
Life is hard. Love is hard. Here we are the day after Valentine's Day, and I am at war with love. I am fighting, desperately clinging to it, waiting for it to prevail. Love is a choice...did you know that? It isn't something that someone can do for you to feel it...because things fade, gifts go away, flowers die, but if you make a choice, that can last and stand the tests of time. I choose to love, I choose to hang on during the bad times. I don't know what this day will bring, or how things are going to unfold. I know that I am going to continue to lift my husband in prayer, pray for my children, and work at following GOD's plan for our lives.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I caved....
I caved...big time. Today I signed back onto my old facebook page. It was just what I needed, moments after posting my return, I received many virtual warm welcomes. I joke that with out facebook, life was boring and friendless... but in some ways it was truly a long and lonely experience. Being a stay at home mom, often time for myself is hard to manage... and when you are friends with other SAHM's or even moms that work, it is hard to find time to socialize!
I had at one time felt tremendous guilt for even wanting to go back to the constant clutter of gripes, massive amounts of senseless pictures, and overdosing amounts of TMI, but then I remembered that there was more to it. I felt supported, cared about, validated and heard. In my craziness that I love to call my life, I need to have something outside my daily routine..and I need to reach out to others and try to be a light to the world. I was missing prayer requests, deaths, births, friends needing help, and sharing their joys.
When I left FB I had this romantic notion that I would be able to stay in contact with people via text, phone, email, and maybe just maybe, in person...but sadly, I was wrong. It was way too easy to fall into the pit of social starvation in a world where no one picks up a pen or even dare to drop by unplanned, for a cup of coffee. If you aren't connected by social media, you aren't connected. It is truly sad...but it is our reality. So, I caved. I made a choice to stay connected with the people that I love...and even some I don't, on this crazy thing they call facebook. I do however vow to keep my door open for those that dare stop in for a cup of coffee...a friend will always be greeted with a smile and hug and never be turned away.
Blessings to you all, may you be filled with the joys of friendship, and the warmth of a good hug from time to time. And never forget the friend that may not be "connected", but still desires to feel included.
See you in on the www.
~K~
I had at one time felt tremendous guilt for even wanting to go back to the constant clutter of gripes, massive amounts of senseless pictures, and overdosing amounts of TMI, but then I remembered that there was more to it. I felt supported, cared about, validated and heard. In my craziness that I love to call my life, I need to have something outside my daily routine..and I need to reach out to others and try to be a light to the world. I was missing prayer requests, deaths, births, friends needing help, and sharing their joys.
When I left FB I had this romantic notion that I would be able to stay in contact with people via text, phone, email, and maybe just maybe, in person...but sadly, I was wrong. It was way too easy to fall into the pit of social starvation in a world where no one picks up a pen or even dare to drop by unplanned, for a cup of coffee. If you aren't connected by social media, you aren't connected. It is truly sad...but it is our reality. So, I caved. I made a choice to stay connected with the people that I love...and even some I don't, on this crazy thing they call facebook. I do however vow to keep my door open for those that dare stop in for a cup of coffee...a friend will always be greeted with a smile and hug and never be turned away.
Blessings to you all, may you be filled with the joys of friendship, and the warmth of a good hug from time to time. And never forget the friend that may not be "connected", but still desires to feel included.
See you in on the www.
~K~
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year, New Bathroom!!
This was our Christmas present and New Years celebration all in one! We are pleased, and feel blessed to start the new year in a house with TWO bathrooms!!! :)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Rescue From Tangles
I am posting this again, to share with a new audience (Original post was Oct. 16, 2008 via my notes on FB)
Rescue From Tangles
I had an "aha!" moment first thing this morning. It really made me think.
Early this morning, I hooked the dog out on her tie out so she could go potty. I was so sleepy, I decided to go back in the house, and wait for her to bark to be let back in. Well, she just sat by the door, and wouldn't go so, I went back outside, and then she began doing her normal routine, and started sniffing around, and smelling everything. I guess she just wanted an audience. Well, as I was slowly waking up, thanks in part to the brisk cool air, I am watching her weave in and out of the kids toys laying on the patio. So, I encouraged her to get away from there, and moved the toys that she was getting tangled in out of her way. Then she immediately goes and wraps herself up around something else, so I moved that out of her way too. I am talking to her, telling her how silly she is, and that she just needs to "go", so I can wake up properly with a mug of coffee in my hand (as if she could understand).
Well, after wrapping herself around everything possible I began to get annoyed..."why are you so stupid dog?". Ugh! I mean really? I just moved everything our of her way, and yet she keeps finding more things to get tangled in. I just sat back and looked at her, looking at me, and now barking for me to come rescue her.
You see, a few months ago she had a shorter tie out that broke, so hubby replaced it with this one that is like 4 times as long. It was rare for her to get tangled before, because she couldn't reach many things. But now, she can reach EVERYTHING, and manages to walk proudly to everything in reach, and get herself tangled around it. We went from a 10ft lead attached to the clothes line, to a 40ft lead. So yeah, it is way too long!
Well, all this made me think. This is like so many other relationships. It is like a parent and child. You give your child room to grow, and make choices, and then get irritated when they don't make the choice you think they should make...then they get tangled, and call out for you to rescue them. But it really made me think of my relationship with GOD. HE gives me free will to make my own choices, and stands by and watches my successes, and failures. HE is there for me when I need to be untangled, and lovingly guides me in the direction I need to go. Now, if I choose to continue to wrap myself around the wrong things over and over again, does HE get annoyed like I did? Does HE shake his head, wondering when I am going to learn? Does he wonder if HE should shorten the leash? I get tangled and I cry out to HIM...and HE rescues me.
It was just a picture book moment, where I thought hmmm...if I am this annoyed for one morning, how must GOD feel when we repeat the same choices over and over again through out our lives? We decide to lengthen our leash from GOD, feeling that we can handle things, then when we get all wrapped up, we cry out for HIM to take care of us...and sometimes even blame HIM for our mistakes..like, "why did you leave me alone? whey did you let me go so far?". Well, I am hoping that my dog will learn from her mistakes, and maybe I will be shortening her lead. I hope we can all learn to be gently guided, and have an minimal amount of tangles along the way.
Rescue From Tangles
I had an "aha!" moment first thing this morning. It really made me think.
Early this morning, I hooked the dog out on her tie out so she could go potty. I was so sleepy, I decided to go back in the house, and wait for her to bark to be let back in. Well, she just sat by the door, and wouldn't go so, I went back outside, and then she began doing her normal routine, and started sniffing around, and smelling everything. I guess she just wanted an audience. Well, as I was slowly waking up, thanks in part to the brisk cool air, I am watching her weave in and out of the kids toys laying on the patio. So, I encouraged her to get away from there, and moved the toys that she was getting tangled in out of her way. Then she immediately goes and wraps herself up around something else, so I moved that out of her way too. I am talking to her, telling her how silly she is, and that she just needs to "go", so I can wake up properly with a mug of coffee in my hand (as if she could understand).
Well, after wrapping herself around everything possible I began to get annoyed..."why are you so stupid dog?". Ugh! I mean really? I just moved everything our of her way, and yet she keeps finding more things to get tangled in. I just sat back and looked at her, looking at me, and now barking for me to come rescue her.
You see, a few months ago she had a shorter tie out that broke, so hubby replaced it with this one that is like 4 times as long. It was rare for her to get tangled before, because she couldn't reach many things. But now, she can reach EVERYTHING, and manages to walk proudly to everything in reach, and get herself tangled around it. We went from a 10ft lead attached to the clothes line, to a 40ft lead. So yeah, it is way too long!
Well, all this made me think. This is like so many other relationships. It is like a parent and child. You give your child room to grow, and make choices, and then get irritated when they don't make the choice you think they should make...then they get tangled, and call out for you to rescue them. But it really made me think of my relationship with GOD. HE gives me free will to make my own choices, and stands by and watches my successes, and failures. HE is there for me when I need to be untangled, and lovingly guides me in the direction I need to go. Now, if I choose to continue to wrap myself around the wrong things over and over again, does HE get annoyed like I did? Does HE shake his head, wondering when I am going to learn? Does he wonder if HE should shorten the leash? I get tangled and I cry out to HIM...and HE rescues me.
It was just a picture book moment, where I thought hmmm...if I am this annoyed for one morning, how must GOD feel when we repeat the same choices over and over again through out our lives? We decide to lengthen our leash from GOD, feeling that we can handle things, then when we get all wrapped up, we cry out for HIM to take care of us...and sometimes even blame HIM for our mistakes..like, "why did you leave me alone? whey did you let me go so far?". Well, I am hoping that my dog will learn from her mistakes, and maybe I will be shortening her lead. I hope we can all learn to be gently guided, and have an minimal amount of tangles along the way.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Summer.... (Alas! A foundation!)
"All we have worked for, all we have prayed for, all we have endured as a family, and as individuals, all rests on stilts 15+ feet in the air! "
It wasn't long and the foundation company was here to put up forms. It was another exciting day. As the kids and I spent the day in and around the pool, we watched the workers use a crane to move the concrete forms from the trailer into place around the perimeter of the house. Then they carried them sheet by sheet and put them in place, hammering them together. It was a noisy day, but I am not sure what was louder, the workers or the kids playing in the pool.
Our days seemed all the same, for the most part. Hubby would get up early and head off to work, then the rest of us in the "camp" would wake up. The girls and I in the fifth-wheel, and the boys and dog in the pop-up camper. We would all come together in the fifth-wheel to have breakfast, then in turn we would use our tent as the changing room and get dressed for the day. We can't forget the line for the outhouse either..that was a daily routine too. For meals other than breakfast, we normally ate outside at the picnic tables. After a few days of getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, we decided to invest in a screen tent!!
I think we all enjoyed the laid back lifestyle we had, but there were days when we talked about how much we would appreciate our "normal" life, once this journey came to an end. The heat of the days would have been almost unbearable if we had to stay in the campers. We were constantly reminded by the splash of the pool, of how blessed we were.
On special days, we would have company over. Most times I would have my mom come and bring my niece and nephew with her to swim and picnic. The kids LOVED it, and mom and I enjoyed our time too.
After the forms were set, it was a day or so, and the concrete trucks were here. They pumped the concrete down long chutes and into the forms. After a few minutes, most of the kids got bored watching, and went on, continuing to play and enjoy the freedom that outdoor living allows. I loved calling hubby at work and telling him of all the things I saw, and the progress that was being made. I had really wished he could be poolside with me, watching it all unfold, but alas, as he would jokingly remind me, "someone has to work to afford this lavish lifestyle of ours,like, cold showers, endless meals cooked on the grill, and not to forget the all important outhouse". We all often joked about what we were "going through", but we were very careful to make sure we remembered how truly blessed we were to be experiencing this. Ah, the stories we will be able to tell for year and years to come. There will be generations of people that will hear of the craziness, and wonder, that this family has had the benefit to endure.
Once the forms were filled, all the concrete was poured, everything had to sit for a day or two before the forms could be stripped off. We had prayed for warm dry days, so everything would set nicely. Our prayers went unanswered, as the clouds rolled in and the ground cried out in thirst. It rained, and rained. The workers returned to strip the forms, and slip and slide in the slimy mud. What a job. I watched, as one guy tried to move about, and his boots were just covered in clay. They must have weighed a ton, but he just kept chugging along, as if he had a child clinging onto his leg, swinging it about, as he tried to maneuver in the trenches. After all the forms were stripped, we now had to wait for the concrete to cure. We were told that it would be 7-10 days before the house could be set back down. In the meantime, we needed to have the foundation inspected.
This was our first inspection, and our first "green" sticker!!! We were so excited! For those who aren't familiar with the process, it can be quite intimidating! I mean after all, what happens if they don't approve it, and you get an orange sticker, and then what???? Well, I don't want to find out! We did our little happy dance, and then I took a pic of the green tag with my phone, and sent it to hubby at work so he could share in our joy!
It wasn't long and the foundation company was here to put up forms. It was another exciting day. As the kids and I spent the day in and around the pool, we watched the workers use a crane to move the concrete forms from the trailer into place around the perimeter of the house. Then they carried them sheet by sheet and put them in place, hammering them together. It was a noisy day, but I am not sure what was louder, the workers or the kids playing in the pool.
Our days seemed all the same, for the most part. Hubby would get up early and head off to work, then the rest of us in the "camp" would wake up. The girls and I in the fifth-wheel, and the boys and dog in the pop-up camper. We would all come together in the fifth-wheel to have breakfast, then in turn we would use our tent as the changing room and get dressed for the day. We can't forget the line for the outhouse either..that was a daily routine too. For meals other than breakfast, we normally ate outside at the picnic tables. After a few days of getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, we decided to invest in a screen tent!!
I think we all enjoyed the laid back lifestyle we had, but there were days when we talked about how much we would appreciate our "normal" life, once this journey came to an end. The heat of the days would have been almost unbearable if we had to stay in the campers. We were constantly reminded by the splash of the pool, of how blessed we were.
On special days, we would have company over. Most times I would have my mom come and bring my niece and nephew with her to swim and picnic. The kids LOVED it, and mom and I enjoyed our time too.
After the forms were set, it was a day or so, and the concrete trucks were here. They pumped the concrete down long chutes and into the forms. After a few minutes, most of the kids got bored watching, and went on, continuing to play and enjoy the freedom that outdoor living allows. I loved calling hubby at work and telling him of all the things I saw, and the progress that was being made. I had really wished he could be poolside with me, watching it all unfold, but alas, as he would jokingly remind me, "someone has to work to afford this lavish lifestyle of ours,like, cold showers, endless meals cooked on the grill, and not to forget the all important outhouse". We all often joked about what we were "going through", but we were very careful to make sure we remembered how truly blessed we were to be experiencing this. Ah, the stories we will be able to tell for year and years to come. There will be generations of people that will hear of the craziness, and wonder, that this family has had the benefit to endure.
Once the forms were filled, all the concrete was poured, everything had to sit for a day or two before the forms could be stripped off. We had prayed for warm dry days, so everything would set nicely. Our prayers went unanswered, as the clouds rolled in and the ground cried out in thirst. It rained, and rained. The workers returned to strip the forms, and slip and slide in the slimy mud. What a job. I watched, as one guy tried to move about, and his boots were just covered in clay. They must have weighed a ton, but he just kept chugging along, as if he had a child clinging onto his leg, swinging it about, as he tried to maneuver in the trenches. After all the forms were stripped, we now had to wait for the concrete to cure. We were told that it would be 7-10 days before the house could be set back down. In the meantime, we needed to have the foundation inspected.
This was our first inspection, and our first "green" sticker!!! We were so excited! For those who aren't familiar with the process, it can be quite intimidating! I mean after all, what happens if they don't approve it, and you get an orange sticker, and then what???? Well, I don't want to find out! We did our little happy dance, and then I took a pic of the green tag with my phone, and sent it to hubby at work so he could share in our joy!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
What Keeps Your Faith Strong?
For some reading this, it is a reprint, this is something that I wrote a few years ago, but upon reading it, I realized it still resonates inside me while we are in the trenches and craziness of life. And I give all the glory to my Heavenly Father for every trial and triumph that follows...
What keeps a Christian's faith strong? We go to church, read our Bible, pray, have fellowship with other Christians, sing songs of praise etc...but do these things alone keep our faith strong? Are we conditioned to think that things are only good and worthy of praise when they are going our way? Would your faith be wavered if GOD didn't answer your prayers in a favorable way?
Think about it. If you have a bad day at work, you would say that your job sucks. If you had an argument with your spouse, you might say that the other person is being a jerk. If you spent your last $10 on losing lotto tickets, you would say that the lotto is stupid. But let's turn things around...If you got a raise, you would love your job, if you got roses or a night out with the guys, you would say relationships rock! If you had won the lotto, well, then you would be on cloud nine, telling everyone how great the lottery is.
So, if we place terms and conditions on all that , then is our faith any different? Aren't we just like the Israelites, when GOD promised them a new life in a new land, they were all like, "YEAH GOD". But when they realized that they had to play by HIS rules, they weren't so pleased. They then had to spend some years in a not so great place, and even thought their needs were being met by their loving creator, they chose to complain about how bad they had it. But wait, when they ended up in the promise land, they were all back to the "YEAH GOD" way of thinking.
Just like when we have a baby, we are so happy and pleased with GOD, when that baby gets sick, where's our faith? Isn't there some sort of condition placed on our faith? I, like many people have had trauma and distress in my life. I have had times without GOD. But that wasn't because HE wasn't there, it was because I wasn't willing to place my life in HIS hands. I thought I knew better. But when I got to a place where I could allow GOD to work in my life, I realized that it was I who was pushing GOD away, and HE was there hanging on for deal life the whole time.
My faith is strong and unconditional, because I made my choice. I chose to place my life in HIS hands. To completely abandon self, and surrender to HIM. That is what faith means to me. I will scream from the depths of my soul, sounds of praise even when things seem impossible and completely unbearable. For I know HIS will is best.
What do you chose? HIS hands or yours? Where is your faith, in HIM or in you?
Just like the LORD said to Joshua..."...I will never leave you nor forsake you". Joshua 1:5
What keeps a Christian's faith strong? We go to church, read our Bible, pray, have fellowship with other Christians, sing songs of praise etc...but do these things alone keep our faith strong? Are we conditioned to think that things are only good and worthy of praise when they are going our way? Would your faith be wavered if GOD didn't answer your prayers in a favorable way?
Think about it. If you have a bad day at work, you would say that your job sucks. If you had an argument with your spouse, you might say that the other person is being a jerk. If you spent your last $10 on losing lotto tickets, you would say that the lotto is stupid. But let's turn things around...If you got a raise, you would love your job, if you got roses or a night out with the guys, you would say relationships rock! If you had won the lotto, well, then you would be on cloud nine, telling everyone how great the lottery is.
So, if we place terms and conditions on all that , then is our faith any different? Aren't we just like the Israelites, when GOD promised them a new life in a new land, they were all like, "YEAH GOD". But when they realized that they had to play by HIS rules, they weren't so pleased. They then had to spend some years in a not so great place, and even thought their needs were being met by their loving creator, they chose to complain about how bad they had it. But wait, when they ended up in the promise land, they were all back to the "YEAH GOD" way of thinking.
Just like when we have a baby, we are so happy and pleased with GOD, when that baby gets sick, where's our faith? Isn't there some sort of condition placed on our faith? I, like many people have had trauma and distress in my life. I have had times without GOD. But that wasn't because HE wasn't there, it was because I wasn't willing to place my life in HIS hands. I thought I knew better. But when I got to a place where I could allow GOD to work in my life, I realized that it was I who was pushing GOD away, and HE was there hanging on for deal life the whole time.
My faith is strong and unconditional, because I made my choice. I chose to place my life in HIS hands. To completely abandon self, and surrender to HIM. That is what faith means to me. I will scream from the depths of my soul, sounds of praise even when things seem impossible and completely unbearable. For I know HIS will is best.
What do you chose? HIS hands or yours? Where is your faith, in HIM or in you?
Just like the LORD said to Joshua..."...I will never leave you nor forsake you". Joshua 1:5
Sunday, October 23, 2011
From my heart to yours
How many of you feel like you are always busy, and your plate is always full? I know that I feel that way sometimes. We go through life always looking forward, sometimes even rushing through our days to get to the next. I am saying slow down. Enjoy each moment for what it is...good or bad...because you will never get that time back. Some days I find myself rushing through and wishing the day would be over, and in doing so, I think I may be missing some important lessons...ones that I could learn and grow from.
A while back I put some "wall words" up in my living room, and they read: Be still and know that I am God. Ps. 46:10. I look at these words everyday, several times a day. One day I hope they sink in. God puts certain people, places, thoughts, and circumstances in our lives, or in our way (depending on how you look at it) so we can learn and grow. We need to stop rushing through life, even the bad days...we can learn by taking things one day at a time. We can learn by being still...and knowing that HE is GOD.
Do you ever wonder what your busy life is saying to other people? What kind of message are you sending? Think about the legacy you may be leaving. What are we teaching the people around us? How about our kids? Are we teaching them that laundry and paying bills are more important than watching them do a special trick, or singing a song for you? What will people remember the most about you? I think about my grandma...she has a way of always making me feel like I am the only thing that matters at that time. She would worry about how clean the house was, or getting the wash done while I was with her. She was happy to just spend time with me.
I want my kids, friends, and family to remember those same things about me. I don't want to be so busy doing other things, trying to make my life seem good, while life is really passing me by. Maybe for one day, we can spend less time worrying about what other people will think if that basket of clothes is still there tomorrow, and spend more time loving our family and friends.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Pr 19:21.
Sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy the ride. Take time to enjoy life's little blessings. Be still, and quiet....take time to listen.
This is just one of many little tidbits I have written over the years, and I thought it was time to share it with you..I call these tidbits, my brain clutter...this is what keeps me awake at night, and makes me grab the paper and pen at my bedside. I hope you can find these tidbits to be encouraging and uplifting. Blessings to you all.
A while back I put some "wall words" up in my living room, and they read: Be still and know that I am God. Ps. 46:10. I look at these words everyday, several times a day. One day I hope they sink in. God puts certain people, places, thoughts, and circumstances in our lives, or in our way (depending on how you look at it) so we can learn and grow. We need to stop rushing through life, even the bad days...we can learn by taking things one day at a time. We can learn by being still...and knowing that HE is GOD.
Do you ever wonder what your busy life is saying to other people? What kind of message are you sending? Think about the legacy you may be leaving. What are we teaching the people around us? How about our kids? Are we teaching them that laundry and paying bills are more important than watching them do a special trick, or singing a song for you? What will people remember the most about you? I think about my grandma...she has a way of always making me feel like I am the only thing that matters at that time. She would worry about how clean the house was, or getting the wash done while I was with her. She was happy to just spend time with me.
I want my kids, friends, and family to remember those same things about me. I don't want to be so busy doing other things, trying to make my life seem good, while life is really passing me by. Maybe for one day, we can spend less time worrying about what other people will think if that basket of clothes is still there tomorrow, and spend more time loving our family and friends.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Pr 19:21.
Sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy the ride. Take time to enjoy life's little blessings. Be still, and quiet....take time to listen.
This is just one of many little tidbits I have written over the years, and I thought it was time to share it with you..I call these tidbits, my brain clutter...this is what keeps me awake at night, and makes me grab the paper and pen at my bedside. I hope you can find these tidbits to be encouraging and uplifting. Blessings to you all.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
In the trenches, a.k.a. life with RAD(ishes), Chapter One
Imagine your beautiful, treasured family. Imagine that there was someone or something threatening the well being of that said family. How do you feel when you feel there is a threat against your family or a particular family member..maybe its a bully at school, maybe its a insurance company not meeting the needs of your child, maybe its a mean boss. Doesn't it just break your heart, or make your blood boil? As a mother, there is not much more that can bring out that "mother bear" in me more than someone threatening the well being of my family or one of its members. Now, imagine that person is IN your family, someone you love so very dearly, yet the very thought of them and their disregard for the rest of the family and its members, makes you feel hurt, angry and isolated. This is what many parents with RAD(ishes) go through every day.
Ah, you may be wondering what exactly is a RAD(ish). That is a name I stumbled upon on a website support group for adoptive mothers of RAD kids, they called their children with Reactive Attachment Disorder, RADishes. I thought it was cute, and very appropriate! Think of it, a radish looks inviting, with its beautiful colors, but take part in it, and WOW, you may be surprised by the fire that is burning inside it, that is now your mouth! LOL Who knew such a little thing could be the cause of such discomfort? Children with RAD have difficulties with relationships. The very idea of attachment is to bond, or be close with someone or something. RAD children didn't get the necessary nurturing they needed as a baby, and thus have learned to only rely on themselves. But more, during those early months/years of development, when not nurtured in appropriate ways, and often severely neglected or abused, they essentially learn that they can not rely on others to meet their needs. This creates many issues. These children have major trust issues, control issues, they tend to be very charming on the surface, they have very little self control, they lie, steal, they can be destructive to things, people, themselves, or animals, they have a hard time giving and receiving genuine affection, they lack that "cause and effect" way of thinking that helps us determine right from wrong and among many other things, they have the ability to steal your heart, and turn your life upside down.
When we adopted three of our children (a son 8, and two daughters 5 &6), we were assured by the caseworker that they did not have any attachment disorders, that in fact, they were attaching very well with their foster parents. Certainly we expected an adjustment period, and some minor struggles. After all, for one of our children, our home was his 8th (and that is not counting all the times he was passed around to family members before and after entering the system, he was 8yrs old when we adopted him). It was heart wrenching to read their case histories, and learn of what they had endured in their young lives. And as they have grown, we have learned of things that weren't even documented. Its no wonder these children have a hard time genuinely bonding.
The first time we went to visit the children, and take them for the weekend, we were so excited! After buckling all of the children (including our two biological sons) into their seats, we headed off to get some dinner. Within minutes a bold voice was coming from the far back seat in the suburban, saying, "You don't know where you are going! This is the wrong way! You don't even know how to drive!". Steve and I just looked at each other and smiled an apprehensive smile, and calmly assured our little back-seat-driver that we did indeed know, and all would be ok. Little did we know that this was just the beginning of a long emotional road of oppositional, defiant and challenging times.
I have found myself on several occasions asking, "how can we be told that these children don't have attachment issues, when CLEARLY they do?". My answers came from a collection of doctors that the children hadn't been with any one family long enough for them to make that determination. These children can be so charming, and on a very superficial level. But without really taking the time to look beneath the cutesies, and often camouflaged behavior, one would not really know what these children are really dealing with. I myself, was in denial. I truly believed that my unconditional outpouring of love could heal everything that they had/were going through, that we were rescuing them. When they would fall down, they would cry for "mommy", and it would melt my heart. Now, looking back, I realize it wasn't so much that they wanted ME, just anyone, who would pay them a bit of attention as they sought a way to comfort themselves.
We have learned a LOT over the last 4+ years. Right from the beginning there was a lot of family tension with our extended family. It took a great deal of time to work through that, some of which we still deal with. Much of our family doesn't understand what we deal with, they simplify, minimize and dismiss what we go through. They often chalk it up to the kids "just being kids". Or that we are being irrational about things. This has made us feel very isolated, and our outlook on things at times very bleak. We have learned it is easier to avoid certain family functions than to have to explain and justify ourselves or our childrens' behavior. It is better to keep to ourselves than to open ourselves up to a battery of criticism, and mocking advice on how to parent children with special needs from people who know nothing about raising children with these needs and issues. We have learned not to be calloused, but to be cautious. But at the same time we feel the need to share and educate others.
Our journey is unique to us, just as yours is to you. I have learned to not make assumptions about a parents capabilities or standards by their childrens' actions or behaviors. And I have learned to not assume that a child's behaviors or attitudes are a reflection of his surroundings or parenting. Recently I watched a TV special about "what would you do" in certain situations, and one situation was a mother in a store with her children and she was doting over one child while ignoring her other child completely. She also made several statements to the child she was ignoring, like, "no, I am not going to pay attention to you, you get enough attention", or "this isn't about you, its about (fill in the blank)". The people on the show who were witnessing this were appalled, and disgusted...but when I watched it, I immediately thought of my situation, and really didn't think it was all that bad. You see, I have a child who demands control over every situation, who attempts to steal every ray of attention, and is a constant draw on our "emotional piggy banks" and you have no clue what that does to the parents, or the other children in the home who rarely get uninterrupted attention. So I ask that people not make assumptions based solely on what you see or hear, because often there is much more to the picture than meets the eye.
Well, this was my attempt at introducing you to our life with RAD(ishes). We often feel like we are in the trenches, fighting for each one of our children, and our marriage, syphoning out the poison, replacing it with unconditional love, going nose to nose with something that is always changing the rules, and all the while, clinging onto our Christian faith. There is so much more on the horizon. It is my goal to educate and share our experiences so that other people will have a better understanding of life with RAD kids, the good, the bad and the ugly!
Ah, you may be wondering what exactly is a RAD(ish). That is a name I stumbled upon on a website support group for adoptive mothers of RAD kids, they called their children with Reactive Attachment Disorder, RADishes. I thought it was cute, and very appropriate! Think of it, a radish looks inviting, with its beautiful colors, but take part in it, and WOW, you may be surprised by the fire that is burning inside it, that is now your mouth! LOL Who knew such a little thing could be the cause of such discomfort? Children with RAD have difficulties with relationships. The very idea of attachment is to bond, or be close with someone or something. RAD children didn't get the necessary nurturing they needed as a baby, and thus have learned to only rely on themselves. But more, during those early months/years of development, when not nurtured in appropriate ways, and often severely neglected or abused, they essentially learn that they can not rely on others to meet their needs. This creates many issues. These children have major trust issues, control issues, they tend to be very charming on the surface, they have very little self control, they lie, steal, they can be destructive to things, people, themselves, or animals, they have a hard time giving and receiving genuine affection, they lack that "cause and effect" way of thinking that helps us determine right from wrong and among many other things, they have the ability to steal your heart, and turn your life upside down.
When we adopted three of our children (a son 8, and two daughters 5 &6), we were assured by the caseworker that they did not have any attachment disorders, that in fact, they were attaching very well with their foster parents. Certainly we expected an adjustment period, and some minor struggles. After all, for one of our children, our home was his 8th (and that is not counting all the times he was passed around to family members before and after entering the system, he was 8yrs old when we adopted him). It was heart wrenching to read their case histories, and learn of what they had endured in their young lives. And as they have grown, we have learned of things that weren't even documented. Its no wonder these children have a hard time genuinely bonding.
The first time we went to visit the children, and take them for the weekend, we were so excited! After buckling all of the children (including our two biological sons) into their seats, we headed off to get some dinner. Within minutes a bold voice was coming from the far back seat in the suburban, saying, "You don't know where you are going! This is the wrong way! You don't even know how to drive!". Steve and I just looked at each other and smiled an apprehensive smile, and calmly assured our little back-seat-driver that we did indeed know, and all would be ok. Little did we know that this was just the beginning of a long emotional road of oppositional, defiant and challenging times.
I have found myself on several occasions asking, "how can we be told that these children don't have attachment issues, when CLEARLY they do?". My answers came from a collection of doctors that the children hadn't been with any one family long enough for them to make that determination. These children can be so charming, and on a very superficial level. But without really taking the time to look beneath the cutesies, and often camouflaged behavior, one would not really know what these children are really dealing with. I myself, was in denial. I truly believed that my unconditional outpouring of love could heal everything that they had/were going through, that we were rescuing them. When they would fall down, they would cry for "mommy", and it would melt my heart. Now, looking back, I realize it wasn't so much that they wanted ME, just anyone, who would pay them a bit of attention as they sought a way to comfort themselves.
We have learned a LOT over the last 4+ years. Right from the beginning there was a lot of family tension with our extended family. It took a great deal of time to work through that, some of which we still deal with. Much of our family doesn't understand what we deal with, they simplify, minimize and dismiss what we go through. They often chalk it up to the kids "just being kids". Or that we are being irrational about things. This has made us feel very isolated, and our outlook on things at times very bleak. We have learned it is easier to avoid certain family functions than to have to explain and justify ourselves or our childrens' behavior. It is better to keep to ourselves than to open ourselves up to a battery of criticism, and mocking advice on how to parent children with special needs from people who know nothing about raising children with these needs and issues. We have learned not to be calloused, but to be cautious. But at the same time we feel the need to share and educate others.
Our journey is unique to us, just as yours is to you. I have learned to not make assumptions about a parents capabilities or standards by their childrens' actions or behaviors. And I have learned to not assume that a child's behaviors or attitudes are a reflection of his surroundings or parenting. Recently I watched a TV special about "what would you do" in certain situations, and one situation was a mother in a store with her children and she was doting over one child while ignoring her other child completely. She also made several statements to the child she was ignoring, like, "no, I am not going to pay attention to you, you get enough attention", or "this isn't about you, its about (fill in the blank)". The people on the show who were witnessing this were appalled, and disgusted...but when I watched it, I immediately thought of my situation, and really didn't think it was all that bad. You see, I have a child who demands control over every situation, who attempts to steal every ray of attention, and is a constant draw on our "emotional piggy banks" and you have no clue what that does to the parents, or the other children in the home who rarely get uninterrupted attention. So I ask that people not make assumptions based solely on what you see or hear, because often there is much more to the picture than meets the eye.
Well, this was my attempt at introducing you to our life with RAD(ishes). We often feel like we are in the trenches, fighting for each one of our children, and our marriage, syphoning out the poison, replacing it with unconditional love, going nose to nose with something that is always changing the rules, and all the while, clinging onto our Christian faith. There is so much more on the horizon. It is my goal to educate and share our experiences so that other people will have a better understanding of life with RAD kids, the good, the bad and the ugly!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Summer..." cont...
Let me see, where did I leave off...Oh, that's right.....
So, with the beams in place under the house, the workers were ready to continue the process of digging and supporting, and they could begin lifting our house. It was a delicately orchestrated dance with heavy equipment. It was amazing to watch them remove earth from beneath our home, but only in the exact places that would be necessary, nothing more, nothing less. Eventually what you would see, is the house setting on large metal beams whose ends are supported by earth, and nothing in the middle.
In this pic, you see Mr. G checking to make sure everything is in order as it should be. You also see a stack of cribbing (looks like large lincoln logs or jenga blocks), that will be placed in stacks under the house to support the beams.
Once the dirt is removed under the house, they begin to place the cribbing (see above pic) on the ground, and place a large jack in the center of the cribbing. They did this in four (maybe 5) areas of the house.
Then it was time to start lifting! It was a fairly slow process. It took a few hours for them to raise the house. They would use the jacks that are hooked up to a special trailer with a sort of compressor and all sorts of instruments on it, to gently raise the house very slowly. While I watched and video taped, the hum of the machine was loud. Through the loud hum I could hear voices yelling, "yup", "yup" signalling that their jacks were doing what they were intended for. Then I would hear "whoa", indicating that the pressure needed to be held, let off, or increased on that particular jack. Then guys (there were three of them) would then take shims, some just 1/4 of an inch thick, and slide them into place between the cribbing and the house. Once all the shims were in place, they would back the jacks down, and check things over and start to lift again. This was a lengthy process, and very detailed. I cannot begin to claim to know what exactly was all involved, but this is a recount of what I saw, and interpret it to be.
In this pic, you see the cribbing, and the jack in the center that is pushing up on the big blue metal beam. He will then add more cribbing, set the house back down, shim what needs to be shimmed, and then raise the house again. Like I said, its a rather extensive process!
Once the house is up on all the necessary cribbing, they move onto the next phase...more digging! LOL
This pic shows the cribbing, and them starting to dig out the rest of the space for the basement. You can also see the remnants of the original Michigan-style stone basement and foundation, and the old box windows. See how high the house is already? It's not up as far as it goes yet!
The dirt piles kept getting bigger, and bigger, and....
BIGGER!!! It's kind of funny, because some people didn't know what we were doing, and I would get asked, "What are you doing with all that dirt?". I would expect to get asked about why our house was up on stilts, but most people didn't know, and they couldn't see it from the road because of the huge dirt piles..it just looks like a house on a hill! hehehe
This picture still takes my breath away. This is when they were finished digging the basement, and the addition. The house is resting on the cribbing approx. 15ft in the air.
This is just another view. I have to tell you, throughout this process, Steve and I have shared some really special, spiritual moments, and when we stood in front of our home on stilts, we just stared at it...and when we glanced over at each other, our eyes filled with tears, and we were overcome with emotion. It was if we had been holding our breath all that time, and we just had to breathe, but weren't sure if we should. It is a very crazy roller coaster of emotions when you stop to think about all that is happening. At this point, we had only been "camping", without modern conveniences, using the laundry mat, and taking cold showers for a week. There is still a long road ahead of us at this point. All we have worked for, all we have prayed for, all we have endured as a family, and as individuals, all rests on stilts 15+ feet in the air!
So, with the beams in place under the house, the workers were ready to continue the process of digging and supporting, and they could begin lifting our house. It was a delicately orchestrated dance with heavy equipment. It was amazing to watch them remove earth from beneath our home, but only in the exact places that would be necessary, nothing more, nothing less. Eventually what you would see, is the house setting on large metal beams whose ends are supported by earth, and nothing in the middle.
In this pic, you see Mr. G checking to make sure everything is in order as it should be. You also see a stack of cribbing (looks like large lincoln logs or jenga blocks), that will be placed in stacks under the house to support the beams.
Once the dirt is removed under the house, they begin to place the cribbing (see above pic) on the ground, and place a large jack in the center of the cribbing. They did this in four (maybe 5) areas of the house.
Then it was time to start lifting! It was a fairly slow process. It took a few hours for them to raise the house. They would use the jacks that are hooked up to a special trailer with a sort of compressor and all sorts of instruments on it, to gently raise the house very slowly. While I watched and video taped, the hum of the machine was loud. Through the loud hum I could hear voices yelling, "yup", "yup" signalling that their jacks were doing what they were intended for. Then I would hear "whoa", indicating that the pressure needed to be held, let off, or increased on that particular jack. Then guys (there were three of them) would then take shims, some just 1/4 of an inch thick, and slide them into place between the cribbing and the house. Once all the shims were in place, they would back the jacks down, and check things over and start to lift again. This was a lengthy process, and very detailed. I cannot begin to claim to know what exactly was all involved, but this is a recount of what I saw, and interpret it to be.
This is the trailer with the control panel for the jacks.
In this pic, you see the cribbing, and the jack in the center that is pushing up on the big blue metal beam. He will then add more cribbing, set the house back down, shim what needs to be shimmed, and then raise the house again. Like I said, its a rather extensive process!
Once the house is up on all the necessary cribbing, they move onto the next phase...more digging! LOL
This pic shows the cribbing, and them starting to dig out the rest of the space for the basement. You can also see the remnants of the original Michigan-style stone basement and foundation, and the old box windows. See how high the house is already? It's not up as far as it goes yet!
The dirt piles kept getting bigger, and bigger, and....
BIGGER!!! It's kind of funny, because some people didn't know what we were doing, and I would get asked, "What are you doing with all that dirt?". I would expect to get asked about why our house was up on stilts, but most people didn't know, and they couldn't see it from the road because of the huge dirt piles..it just looks like a house on a hill! hehehe
This picture still takes my breath away. This is when they were finished digging the basement, and the addition. The house is resting on the cribbing approx. 15ft in the air.
This is just another view. I have to tell you, throughout this process, Steve and I have shared some really special, spiritual moments, and when we stood in front of our home on stilts, we just stared at it...and when we glanced over at each other, our eyes filled with tears, and we were overcome with emotion. It was if we had been holding our breath all that time, and we just had to breathe, but weren't sure if we should. It is a very crazy roller coaster of emotions when you stop to think about all that is happening. At this point, we had only been "camping", without modern conveniences, using the laundry mat, and taking cold showers for a week. There is still a long road ahead of us at this point. All we have worked for, all we have prayed for, all we have endured as a family, and as individuals, all rests on stilts 15+ feet in the air!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Our journey through "The Summer of the Ten Pound Flip Flop" (part one)
Well, as I have promised, this is my first official entry about our journey that we are on with our home. It all started out as a crazy idea, a dream....
We purchased our home a little over five years ago. It was so cute, and we just fell in love with it! It was perfect for us and our two young boys. It is an old, 900sq ft., farm style house, that has had a lot of face lifts and updates. We were really content with everything about it.
A few months after we moved in, our lives changed forever, when we felt that we were being led to expand our family. A year later, we adopted three amazing kids. One boy, and two darling girls. At first we never even thought that the size of our house was an issue. The children never complained, and although things were cramped at times, such as birthday parties and holidays, we viewed our home as being full of love. As time went on, and the honeymoon period for the adoption wore off, we started to have some behavioral issues with the children, and when one child was having a melt down, the other children didn't have a place to "get away" from it. Our three sons share a bedroom upstairs, and the two girls share the other upstairs bedroom, so if someone is screaming and carrying on, EVERYONE hears it!
Ah, but alas, we still felt that having a small home was a benefit, especially in our situation. It was easier to monitor where the children were, and what they were doing. They all learned to share space (somewhat). And it allowed us to become a close family, both in space relations, and emotionally! :)
When our home started to show more of its age, and distress, we visited the notion of lifting the house and putting in a basement. But like I had said before, that seemed like such a far fetched dream. Our home's foundation began to crumble, and got worse and worse..as did our children's attitudes and emotional status'. As we spent most of our time "putting out fires" with our children, and dealing with their RAD issues, we gave very little attention to the condition of our home. We did deal with flooding in our Michigan-style basement every spring, or winter thaw, and we noticed it getting worse as time went by.
Our children's needs started to become more and more clear, as they cried out for more privacy and personal space. When things seemed to be at their worst, we knew we needed to do something. So we got on our knees and prayed. We prayed specifically about our home and the needs of our children. We asked if it was possible for us to lift our home, put in a basement and add on. We got our answer, and things quickly began to fall into place.
Some of the first things we needed to do was to get permits and make our building plans. We planned on doing most of the work ourselves, but the house lifting, digging the basement and pouring the walls were definitely jobs we didn't feel qualified to even attempt. The process of praying and interviewing contractors began. We found the two companies that we wanted to use, and we got penciled in their books!
It wasn't long and it was almost time...we needed to get some things done first! We needed to move and transplant any plants, trees, or shrubs around the house that we intended on saving. We also needed to remove a large portion of the front deck. Along with the work outside, we also needed to do work on the inside. We needed to remove anything that was in the basement such as furnaces, freezers, and the bladder to the well and sump pump, and including anything that hung down below the floor joists, like duct work, or plumbing. The jobs seemed to go well, after all, taking things apart always goes faster than putting them back together!
Much of the things we removed we intended on reusing, so we were careful on how we handled things and put them carefully in the barn. The front deck came apart piece by piece, so we could salvage as much of it as possible.
In the picture above, you can see the guys working hard at disassembling the deck, and they were also helping dig up the Hostas that surrounded the deck, and the girls and I would come and get them and transplant them to other places in the yard.
It didn't take long, and we needed to move out of the house, and into the campers! The only thing we were waiting on was the delivery of the porta-john. Once that was delivered, the last few pipes were disconnected, and the well was unhooked.
This is the poster I placed on the bathroom door the day the pipes were disconnected. It was a day of mixed emotions!
When the house mover/lifters started working, things really started to change quickly! On the first day, they dug around the perimeter of the house exposing the foundation so they could punch holes that they would use to slide their beams into.
It didn't take them long to find some issues with this 100+ yr old house. Over the years, the back part of the house got dirt packed under it, right up tight to the floor joists. That's not a good thing!
Before they could do any thing else, we had some work to do. We had to replace a bunch of old rotten wood before they came back to work the next day. My dad, husband and sons worked by the glow of flashlights late into the night, fixing the bad boards.
The next day, the workers were back, and started to put in the big metal beams that would eventually support our home.
They dug, and dug...until they could slide the beams into place, and we watched and watched as our yard disappeared and giant dirt piles began to form.
This is a picture of the guys using machinery to move the giant beam into place.
If you look closely, you can see two beams in place under the house, sticking out on the side a little.
With the beams in place, it was time to call it a day. We were very excited to have a day filled with progress. The air was filled with the anticipation of what the next day would hold.........
We purchased our home a little over five years ago. It was so cute, and we just fell in love with it! It was perfect for us and our two young boys. It is an old, 900sq ft., farm style house, that has had a lot of face lifts and updates. We were really content with everything about it.
A few months after we moved in, our lives changed forever, when we felt that we were being led to expand our family. A year later, we adopted three amazing kids. One boy, and two darling girls. At first we never even thought that the size of our house was an issue. The children never complained, and although things were cramped at times, such as birthday parties and holidays, we viewed our home as being full of love. As time went on, and the honeymoon period for the adoption wore off, we started to have some behavioral issues with the children, and when one child was having a melt down, the other children didn't have a place to "get away" from it. Our three sons share a bedroom upstairs, and the two girls share the other upstairs bedroom, so if someone is screaming and carrying on, EVERYONE hears it!
Ah, but alas, we still felt that having a small home was a benefit, especially in our situation. It was easier to monitor where the children were, and what they were doing. They all learned to share space (somewhat). And it allowed us to become a close family, both in space relations, and emotionally! :)
When our home started to show more of its age, and distress, we visited the notion of lifting the house and putting in a basement. But like I had said before, that seemed like such a far fetched dream. Our home's foundation began to crumble, and got worse and worse..as did our children's attitudes and emotional status'. As we spent most of our time "putting out fires" with our children, and dealing with their RAD issues, we gave very little attention to the condition of our home. We did deal with flooding in our Michigan-style basement every spring, or winter thaw, and we noticed it getting worse as time went by.
Our children's needs started to become more and more clear, as they cried out for more privacy and personal space. When things seemed to be at their worst, we knew we needed to do something. So we got on our knees and prayed. We prayed specifically about our home and the needs of our children. We asked if it was possible for us to lift our home, put in a basement and add on. We got our answer, and things quickly began to fall into place.
Some of the first things we needed to do was to get permits and make our building plans. We planned on doing most of the work ourselves, but the house lifting, digging the basement and pouring the walls were definitely jobs we didn't feel qualified to even attempt. The process of praying and interviewing contractors began. We found the two companies that we wanted to use, and we got penciled in their books!
It wasn't long and it was almost time...we needed to get some things done first! We needed to move and transplant any plants, trees, or shrubs around the house that we intended on saving. We also needed to remove a large portion of the front deck. Along with the work outside, we also needed to do work on the inside. We needed to remove anything that was in the basement such as furnaces, freezers, and the bladder to the well and sump pump, and including anything that hung down below the floor joists, like duct work, or plumbing. The jobs seemed to go well, after all, taking things apart always goes faster than putting them back together!
Much of the things we removed we intended on reusing, so we were careful on how we handled things and put them carefully in the barn. The front deck came apart piece by piece, so we could salvage as much of it as possible.
In the picture above, you can see the guys working hard at disassembling the deck, and they were also helping dig up the Hostas that surrounded the deck, and the girls and I would come and get them and transplant them to other places in the yard.
It didn't take long, and we needed to move out of the house, and into the campers! The only thing we were waiting on was the delivery of the porta-john. Once that was delivered, the last few pipes were disconnected, and the well was unhooked.
This is the poster I placed on the bathroom door the day the pipes were disconnected. It was a day of mixed emotions!
When the house mover/lifters started working, things really started to change quickly! On the first day, they dug around the perimeter of the house exposing the foundation so they could punch holes that they would use to slide their beams into.
It didn't take them long to find some issues with this 100+ yr old house. Over the years, the back part of the house got dirt packed under it, right up tight to the floor joists. That's not a good thing!
The next day, the workers were back, and started to put in the big metal beams that would eventually support our home.
They dug, and dug...until they could slide the beams into place, and we watched and watched as our yard disappeared and giant dirt piles began to form.
With the beams in place, it was time to call it a day. We were very excited to have a day filled with progress. The air was filled with the anticipation of what the next day would hold.........
Monday, October 3, 2011
Having a voice....
I sat down at the computer early this morning to type something out, to get it off my chest. There are times in life, when things don't go the way you anticipate or desire. There are times when you must decide if it is something worth standing up for. Having a voice is a God given right, being able to know when, and how to use it, is a blessing. We have recently had more than our fair share of trials, and speed bumps. I wanted to share this with you to give you some insight to our journey and hopefully to show that you can be disappointed, and get your point across without being rude or mean. After two months of issues, I decided to use my voice, and this is what it sounds like.
Dear Mr. Concrete,
Hello, my name is Kim . Up until now, you have mostly talked to my husband, but I just want to have a few words with you. The first time I met you, we stood in our driveway, looking at our house that was in the process of being lifted, and you made a comment about “firm foundations”, and how they are the basis of everything. I agreed with you, and was impressed, as I noticed a tone of integrity and faith. Later that day, I had talked to my husband, and told him what you said, and how I was pleased to know that you were a man of faith. Steve then informed me that you also did charity work, and did work with a mission, in Grand Rapids, at that time, while on the phone, we prayed for you and what ever mission you were working with. We still pray, and hope that the mission is going well, and that where ever God leads you and the mission, that it will be glorifying to HIM.
On to the reason for this letter…At this point in time, I feel it is necessary to inform you how disappointed I am in the quality of craftsmanship that is shown in our foundation. I am a very forgiving, and understanding person. I loathe conflict, and find it very difficult to make demands on my own behalf (even if the demands are just and moral). But it is a little different when the injustices involve my family, or affect them in any way. I have stood quietly by my husband, supporting him, as he has been very diplomatic, and professional in dealing with the issues we have had with our foundation. But I need you to know that he and I don’t exactly see eye to eye with this matter. I know how hard my husband works for our family. I see the stress mounting, and the disappointment that he dare not speak of, knowing that it will open the floodgates.
You see, we never had imagined that this project would ever be possible. When we purchased this home five years ago, it was perfect for our family of four! But then a month after we moved in, we went on our first mission trip to a South Dakota reservation, and on our way there, we stopped and stayed with family. That family was the foster parents of our adopted children. It wasn’t long after we got back from the mission trip that we began to pray for these kids, that they would find a loving Christian home. Well, surprisingly enough, that home turned out to be ours. And in just under a year, the children had been moved here to live with us.
Our home became very cramped, and seemed as if it were going to burst at the seams, especially when one of the children was in the middle of a meltdown. All three of our adopted children have special needs. They look quite normal, but you cant even imagine the torment these children have lived through, and carry around inside them. Because of their emotional and mental disabilities, they don’t deal with stress or change well at all. So the thought of remodeling, or adding on was just a pipe dream. But after four years of tantrums, meltdowns and vicious fights, the space in our home was growing dark. Our biological sons began acting out, crying for privacy, and wanting to leave. And every fiber of our family seemed to be stressed to the limit, and at times, we weren’t sure if we could endure any more. But we trusted God and HIS plan for us. Knowing that we needed to provide our children with a safe haven, and knowing that the foundation on our home was in desperate need of repair, we really began to pray about what we should do.
The answer came quickly, and we questioned whether it was truly God, or if it was just our own desires. But when things began to fall into place, and the funds almost miraculously appeared (thanks to a new tax law in 2010), we knew we had our answer. And we knew we would have to trust in the Lord to help us with our children during this lengthy process. Now I am a stay at home mom due to the fact that I need to be available to my children at the drop of a hat, in case I am needed at the school, or whatever. So that means that my husband is our only source of income, and he works really hard to provide for us. It really pains me to look at our foundation and see what my husbands hard earned money has paid for.
I cringe every time I look at the cracks in the walls (even though I am thankful that you were quick, and professional and had them sealed). I am also aware that there is some disagreement in the cause of the cracks. Some think it was due to the manner in which it was back filled, some believe that the quality of the foundation led to a “perfect storm” of issues, in which any amount of pressure could cause a crack. I let the complete picture fill in the gaps of the cause argument. I see the stud walls my husband has built and I see the gaps in the wall, as it butts up to the concrete foundation, because the wall is so wavy, assumedly from warped forms. I see the honeycombing in the walls, where I can press against and it chips away like flakes of shale. It is my understanding that if the walls were vibrated, then honeycombing is less likely to occur. ( I do not claim to be a professional about this, however I did trust you to provide us with a “firm foundation”, and tiny holes, and patches of “cancer” don’t seem to be qualities of a “firm foundation” ) Almost every time I visit our basement, I see something else that makes me cringe, and breaks my heart. My heart breaks, because I don’t want to tell my husband about what I see or question…he doesn’t need more stress, and I cant allow the children to hear us discussing this because remember, they don’t deal with stress or change or uncertainty well at all. And the thought of there being issues with “the thing that holds up our house”, freaks them out! (even if it is just a tiny, really not an issue, issue)
I am just disappointed that once again, I found something that needs to be repaired. While working on the siding with my family, my dad and brother looked at the retaining wall, and asked me if I planned on painting it…. I wasn’t sure what they meant or why they were asking. So they pointed it out to me. There is a patch, that is discolored, and honeycombed. They were quick to inform me of what I already knew to be true, that if not taken care of, water will get into that, freeze and bust that whole area up, unless we do something to prevent that. Great, another thing to add to my husbands to do list.
Now, I am a firm believer that we all go through trials, and if you are a person of faith, your trials are not suffered alone, that it is an opportunity for God to show you his love and ultimate control over your life. With that being said, I also believe that doesn’t mean we should just turn the other cheek, and ignore injustice. I don’t believe it to be just that after spending xx,xxx hard earned and blessed dollars, that we should have a sub-par foundation. That every time I go into the basement I have it smack in my face that my husbands hard work was for that. When we pictured our new basement (aka “firm foundation”), we pictured tall smooth, level, walls. Not ones that are marred, scarred, wavy and cracked. Oh, we were truly blessed by this whole experience, and our children did remarkably well, clearly God’s hand was upon them. I just need you to know that I am disappointed. I believe that my family deserved better. I can live with it, and will. But I just wanted better for my family...I wanted my hubby to be able to come home and rest assured that his hard work paid off.
This experience was sure to be a great tool to witness to our children and community, and it has! Just not in the ways that we thought. We have been able to show our children how to rise above, and that even though we can not control every circumstance, we can control how we handle the circumstance. We were able to show them that we are blessed no matter what, and to appreciate the small things, and how to celebrate the tiniest of accomplishments. For this I truly thank you, for you were part of our journey. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I have no ill feelings towards you. I just wanted to get this off my chest, and let you know, as a business man, the quality and integrity of your craftsmanship is a reflection of your integrity as a person. And I feel that the two didn’t match as well as I had liked, or thought should. Thank you for taking time to read this, and allowing me to have a voice for my family.
Sincerely,
Kim
Dear Mr. Concrete,
Hello, my name is Kim . Up until now, you have mostly talked to my husband, but I just want to have a few words with you. The first time I met you, we stood in our driveway, looking at our house that was in the process of being lifted, and you made a comment about “firm foundations”, and how they are the basis of everything. I agreed with you, and was impressed, as I noticed a tone of integrity and faith. Later that day, I had talked to my husband, and told him what you said, and how I was pleased to know that you were a man of faith. Steve then informed me that you also did charity work, and did work with a mission, in Grand Rapids, at that time, while on the phone, we prayed for you and what ever mission you were working with. We still pray, and hope that the mission is going well, and that where ever God leads you and the mission, that it will be glorifying to HIM.
On to the reason for this letter…At this point in time, I feel it is necessary to inform you how disappointed I am in the quality of craftsmanship that is shown in our foundation. I am a very forgiving, and understanding person. I loathe conflict, and find it very difficult to make demands on my own behalf (even if the demands are just and moral). But it is a little different when the injustices involve my family, or affect them in any way. I have stood quietly by my husband, supporting him, as he has been very diplomatic, and professional in dealing with the issues we have had with our foundation. But I need you to know that he and I don’t exactly see eye to eye with this matter. I know how hard my husband works for our family. I see the stress mounting, and the disappointment that he dare not speak of, knowing that it will open the floodgates.
You see, we never had imagined that this project would ever be possible. When we purchased this home five years ago, it was perfect for our family of four! But then a month after we moved in, we went on our first mission trip to a South Dakota reservation, and on our way there, we stopped and stayed with family. That family was the foster parents of our adopted children. It wasn’t long after we got back from the mission trip that we began to pray for these kids, that they would find a loving Christian home. Well, surprisingly enough, that home turned out to be ours. And in just under a year, the children had been moved here to live with us.
Our home became very cramped, and seemed as if it were going to burst at the seams, especially when one of the children was in the middle of a meltdown. All three of our adopted children have special needs. They look quite normal, but you cant even imagine the torment these children have lived through, and carry around inside them. Because of their emotional and mental disabilities, they don’t deal with stress or change well at all. So the thought of remodeling, or adding on was just a pipe dream. But after four years of tantrums, meltdowns and vicious fights, the space in our home was growing dark. Our biological sons began acting out, crying for privacy, and wanting to leave. And every fiber of our family seemed to be stressed to the limit, and at times, we weren’t sure if we could endure any more. But we trusted God and HIS plan for us. Knowing that we needed to provide our children with a safe haven, and knowing that the foundation on our home was in desperate need of repair, we really began to pray about what we should do.
The answer came quickly, and we questioned whether it was truly God, or if it was just our own desires. But when things began to fall into place, and the funds almost miraculously appeared (thanks to a new tax law in 2010), we knew we had our answer. And we knew we would have to trust in the Lord to help us with our children during this lengthy process. Now I am a stay at home mom due to the fact that I need to be available to my children at the drop of a hat, in case I am needed at the school, or whatever. So that means that my husband is our only source of income, and he works really hard to provide for us. It really pains me to look at our foundation and see what my husbands hard earned money has paid for.
I cringe every time I look at the cracks in the walls (even though I am thankful that you were quick, and professional and had them sealed). I am also aware that there is some disagreement in the cause of the cracks. Some think it was due to the manner in which it was back filled, some believe that the quality of the foundation led to a “perfect storm” of issues, in which any amount of pressure could cause a crack. I let the complete picture fill in the gaps of the cause argument. I see the stud walls my husband has built and I see the gaps in the wall, as it butts up to the concrete foundation, because the wall is so wavy, assumedly from warped forms. I see the honeycombing in the walls, where I can press against and it chips away like flakes of shale. It is my understanding that if the walls were vibrated, then honeycombing is less likely to occur. ( I do not claim to be a professional about this, however I did trust you to provide us with a “firm foundation”, and tiny holes, and patches of “cancer” don’t seem to be qualities of a “firm foundation” ) Almost every time I visit our basement, I see something else that makes me cringe, and breaks my heart. My heart breaks, because I don’t want to tell my husband about what I see or question…he doesn’t need more stress, and I cant allow the children to hear us discussing this because remember, they don’t deal with stress or change or uncertainty well at all. And the thought of there being issues with “the thing that holds up our house”, freaks them out! (even if it is just a tiny, really not an issue, issue)
I am just disappointed that once again, I found something that needs to be repaired. While working on the siding with my family, my dad and brother looked at the retaining wall, and asked me if I planned on painting it…. I wasn’t sure what they meant or why they were asking. So they pointed it out to me. There is a patch, that is discolored, and honeycombed. They were quick to inform me of what I already knew to be true, that if not taken care of, water will get into that, freeze and bust that whole area up, unless we do something to prevent that. Great, another thing to add to my husbands to do list.
Now, I am a firm believer that we all go through trials, and if you are a person of faith, your trials are not suffered alone, that it is an opportunity for God to show you his love and ultimate control over your life. With that being said, I also believe that doesn’t mean we should just turn the other cheek, and ignore injustice. I don’t believe it to be just that after spending xx,xxx hard earned and blessed dollars, that we should have a sub-par foundation. That every time I go into the basement I have it smack in my face that my husbands hard work was for that. When we pictured our new basement (aka “firm foundation”), we pictured tall smooth, level, walls. Not ones that are marred, scarred, wavy and cracked. Oh, we were truly blessed by this whole experience, and our children did remarkably well, clearly God’s hand was upon them. I just need you to know that I am disappointed. I believe that my family deserved better. I can live with it, and will. But I just wanted better for my family...I wanted my hubby to be able to come home and rest assured that his hard work paid off.
This experience was sure to be a great tool to witness to our children and community, and it has! Just not in the ways that we thought. We have been able to show our children how to rise above, and that even though we can not control every circumstance, we can control how we handle the circumstance. We were able to show them that we are blessed no matter what, and to appreciate the small things, and how to celebrate the tiniest of accomplishments. For this I truly thank you, for you were part of our journey. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I have no ill feelings towards you. I just wanted to get this off my chest, and let you know, as a business man, the quality and integrity of your craftsmanship is a reflection of your integrity as a person. And I feel that the two didn’t match as well as I had liked, or thought should. Thank you for taking time to read this, and allowing me to have a voice for my family.
Sincerely,
Kim
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The Summer of the Ten Pound Flip-Flop
Our construction process began way back in July, and is still in full swing, with no clear sight of the finish line. We truly feel that we have been blessed, and that the trials that we have been through have been opportunities to do some character building. It has been a wet and muddy summer, and we have dubbed it "The summer of the 10lb flip flop!". I think that everyone in the family has gone through at least two pair of shoes thanks to the heavy, slimy, clay that we are ankle deep in!
For the majority of the summer, we spent it watching the construction process, and playing the hurry up and wait game. It seemed like when we would get excited that progress was being made, then things would stop. We were blessed by some old friends who let us rent their fifth wheel, and another friend who let us borrow his old pop-up camper, so we could camp in our backyard while the house was under construction. We had quite the compound! It worked out nicely, the boys and the dog slept in the pop-up on the days that it wasnt storming too bad, and Steve and the girls and I slept in the fifth wheel. We even had a seperate tent that was our dressing room and housed all of our clothes and extra totes filled with toys, games and extra bedding. Oh and we mustn't forget the lovely outhouse....that could be a story in its self! I am hoping that in the years to come, we will look back at this experience, be able to appreciate each moment, and have great stories to share with everyone! But I am not going to wait years, I am going to start my stories now!
Here's a look at our home before.....
For the majority of the summer, we spent it watching the construction process, and playing the hurry up and wait game. It seemed like when we would get excited that progress was being made, then things would stop. We were blessed by some old friends who let us rent their fifth wheel, and another friend who let us borrow his old pop-up camper, so we could camp in our backyard while the house was under construction. We had quite the compound! It worked out nicely, the boys and the dog slept in the pop-up on the days that it wasnt storming too bad, and Steve and the girls and I slept in the fifth wheel. We even had a seperate tent that was our dressing room and housed all of our clothes and extra totes filled with toys, games and extra bedding. Oh and we mustn't forget the lovely outhouse....that could be a story in its self! I am hoping that in the years to come, we will look back at this experience, be able to appreciate each moment, and have great stories to share with everyone! But I am not going to wait years, I am going to start my stories now!
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