I would like to invite all that are interested, to visit www.radkid.org for more information. My hope is that those who had/have no idea what we deal with, will take time to educate themselves on something outside their own world, because this knowledge/awareness can lead to empathy, and compassion instead of judgement. And for those who are dealing with the same/similar things, that they will know that they are not alone, and that this can be used as a tool and as encouragement.
Love one another........its that simple.
With that in mind, in an attempt to help more people understand... I will share these....
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
in Parents of
Reactive Attachment Disordered Children
by Jody Swarbrick
Many foster and adoptive families of Reactive Attachment Disordered children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected, after all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life. An emotionally unhealthy way of life. We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?
The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a RAD child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent are the one with the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive.
It is a known fact, that kids diagnosed with RAD tend to target their Moms, play it cool around their Dads, and charm strangers. Where does that leave a parent? Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of their child.
Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of our RAD children. It's heartbreaking, frustrating, mind boggling, and extremely stressful. In essence, we're fighting to teach our children how to love and trust. Intimacy frightens our children; they have lost the ability to love, to trust, and to feel remorse for hurtful actions. They see us as the enemy. Small expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only indescribable, but also often unbelievable.
Your home becomes a war zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to question your parenting abilities, and your own sanity. You know that your child has been hurt beyond words, you ache for them. Despite your loving intentions and actions, it's thrown in your face. Your heart's desire is to provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world. You want to soothe your child. You want your child to have a fulfilling childhood and to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.
In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies. In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in disastrous affects on our well-being literally causing our emotional and physical health to deteriorate.
The primary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder include:
Avoidance -- refusing to recognize the thoughts and feelings associated with the trauma, this further includes avoiding activities, individuals, and places associated with the trauma.
Intense distress -- when certain cues or "triggers" set off memories of the traumatic event. You may have trouble concentrating, along with feelings of irritability, and frustration over trivial events that never bothered you in the past.
Nightmares and flashbacks -- insomnia or oversleeping may occur. You may exhibit symptoms such as heightened alertness and startle easily.
A loss of interest in your life -- detaching yourself from loved ones. Losing all hope for the future and a lack of loving feelings.
Secondary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can include:
The realization that you are no longer the person you once were. Relationships have changed by alienating yourself from loved ones. Loneliness and a feeling of helplessness prevail in your daily life.
Depression, which can lead to a negative self-image, lowered self-esteem, along with feeling out of control of your life and environment. You may become a workaholic and physical problems may develop.
You become overly cautious and insecure. Angry outbursts may occur putting stress on significant relationships.
If you are parenting a child diagnosed with Reactive Attachment disorder, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope. Counseling is readily available to families and individuals. Take advantage of resources that will help you put the traumatic experiences into perspective, enabling you to let go of past feelings by replacing them with positive skills for recovery.
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Reactive Attachment Disorder and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
FAS Community Resource Center
This is soooo true:
REASONS YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE MESSING WITH SPECIAL NEEDS MOMS:
1. Some of us have given up on social skills and don't care what we say or do.
2. We're not afraid to have A serious "meltdown" of our own.
... ... 3. We are tired and all the patience we have is for our kids.
4. We have A far shorter fuse for nonsense as a result of our responsibilities but A FAR thicker skin.
5. We can get you in a hold/lockdown position in less than 3.5 secs.
6.We can shoot you a look that would make a linebacker tremble in his boots.
7.Chances are it's been awhile since we've had a full night of sleep and that will give us a reason to plead insanity.
8. Our tolerance and patience is for our kids who didn't choose to have special needs, not for someone who CHOOSES to behave inappropriately and is ABLE to control their actions.
9. We're probably already on edge and it would be stupid to push us over.
10. We are sleep deprived and already defensive, and we spend all of our patience on our children, doctors, therapists, social workers and teachers, why would we waste an ounce of it on a total stranger?
11. We've had to fight from the moment of our child's birth so by the time you piss us off we're seasoned battlers and could win a war.
12.We devote our lives to our children and don't need more stress and people who don't understand our life.
13. Wherever there is a cub, there is a mama bear...We're always watching
REASONS YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE MESSING WITH SPECIAL NEEDS MOMS:
1. Some of us have given up on social skills and don't care what we say or do.
2. We're not afraid to have A serious "meltdown" of our own.
... ... 3. We are tired and all the patience we have is for our kids.
4. We have A far shorter fuse for nonsense as a result of our responsibilities but A FAR thicker skin.
5. We can get you in a hold/lockdown position in less than 3.5 secs.
6.We can shoot you a look that would make a linebacker tremble in his boots.
7.Chances are it's been awhile since we've had a full night of sleep and that will give us a reason to plead insanity.
8. Our tolerance and patience is for our kids who didn't choose to have special needs, not for someone who CHOOSES to behave inappropriately and is ABLE to control their actions.
9. We're probably already on edge and it would be stupid to push us over.
10. We are sleep deprived and already defensive, and we spend all of our patience on our children, doctors, therapists, social workers and teachers, why would we waste an ounce of it on a total stranger?
11. We've had to fight from the moment of our child's birth so by the time you piss us off we're seasoned battlers and could win a war.
12.We devote our lives to our children and don't need more stress and people who don't understand our life.
13. Wherever there is a cub, there is a mama bear...We're always watching
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